Shedding Away the Darker Parts of the Internet
Ya’ll, I’m terrified. Like, all the time. This age we’re living in is filled with horrifying possibilities and inevitable doom at every corner. I see it in the skies sporadically shadowed by plumes of forest fire smoke, I see it in the garbage floating in every body of water I know, and most of all, I see it while scrolling through the timelines of my many social media accounts; an activity I indulge in way too often. It’s toxic.
I’ve denied it forever but I think it’s time to admit to myself that social media has significantly affected my mental and physical well-being.
Since the beginning, I’ve been a huge advocate for social media. I mean, you have to admit, it’s pretty great. There’s a whole system that has this set of unwritten rules, like a subtle undertone to the networks of our society. A social network! Infinite content archiving original thoughts and ideas from almost everyone on earth. With just a few taps and swipes, I can figure out what Kim Kardashian is doing at any given moment; with just a few more, I can learn that 1st Chair Clarinet from my high school band just tried weed for the first time! Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snap Chat, and a plethora more all host a network of relationships that can make us smile, laugh, cry, feel depths of terrible guilt, laugh some more, then shut all the lights off and try to convince yourself there will be a new day tomorrow as you lie awake at night with crippling anxiety.
If you count Neopets, which if you started mad beef on the discussion boards like I did, you probably should, I got my first social media account when I was about ten years old. Later, around seventh grade of middle school, Myspace changed the game.
Myspace played an important role in all our histories that I think many of us can look back at fondly. Once you mastered a few simple html tricks, the world as you knew it was completely different. Suddenly, you could present a version of yourself to the world through carefully curated graphics, pictures, text, and a list of people that agreed to check “affirm” to be your friend. Myspace even had a little music sharing widget for your profile! Of course, our concept for what this was then is completely different than what it is now.
Then, we were a scattered variety of children and teens going through different stages of puberty; now, we are the first set of grown adults who understand the world through an infinite network of people, celebrities, media, and government. This social network that was once a subtle undertone is now at the forefront of our lives.
We carry small devices on our person at all times that gives us streamlined updates on what is most important to you. At pretty much any given moment, you can text your mom to say you love and appreciate her, or perhaps, google a picture of Jeff Goldblum then send it off to Jeff Goldblum, himself, asking him to marry you; all within a matter of minutes, if not, seconds (I haven’t tried this yet but it’s my idea so please don’t steal it).
This type of access is not inherently bad. It’s not inherently good either.
In every status update, retweet, share, comment, like, or love there’s a middle ground between who you are and who you want to be seen as. To a lot of people, that middle ground isn’t as wide as others, but to a lot more, that middle ground is an indefinite spiral. For instance, the posts I see on Facebook from my family back home, in the tiny town of Orting, Washington is some of the most raw, honest, and shameless content on the internet. My friends from college, and millennials in general, are a little more calculated in what we post; never wanting to overshare for fear of being shamed for one thing or another. We look upon beautiful people now commonly known as “influencers” as the voice of reason because their follower count is such a clear indicator of the success and admiration they attain. It’s these influencers, though, whose middle ground is so saturated with photoshop and capitalism, you’re not really sure where the brand ends and the person begins.
Who are the influencers? Who is paying them and what are they being paid for? Are they trying to sell me a brand? A look? A lifestyle, perhaps?
These questions constantly haunt me as I scroll through my Instagram feed. Until suddenly, the person I had an awkward interaction with at the bar the other night posts a picture of their roommate’s cat and now all I can think about is whether this random friend of a friend hates me or not. I quickly exit the app, then open it again, refresh the feed, close it, open Facebook; one of my aunts has tagged me in a photo. A sear of anxiety hits my stomach remembering the time that same aunt said something low key racist on an article I posted a few months back. I breathe a sigh of relief to find the picture is just a scan of an old photo of me as a toddler with my grandmother. My middle school crush just liked it? That’s weird. Swipe right, swipe up, someone I knew in elementary school is getting married, swipe up, pale pink is still in, swipe up, swipe up, oh F*CK, New York Times reports Donald Trump just tweeted a picture of Kim Jong Un’s face superimposed onto Miley Cyrus’s twerking at the 2013 VMA awards with a caption titled ‘New career for Rocket Man?’!? I don’t think this has actually happened yet but I’m calling it now.
The world we currently live in is different from the world we lived in during the height of Myspace. We have violent mass shootings happening on an almost daily basis, hurricanes with unprecedented powers wiping out entire nations, and the person who is supposed to be leading us all in this mess is probably out golfing, thinking about new ways to insult Rosie O’Donnell.
In between that and eating Lays potato chips in front of his television, he’s being advised by one of the most conservative administrations in our government’s history; that’s assuming he’s capable of being advised at all. Based on his erratic tweeting and meaningless speech, I get the idea he never has any actual idea about what’s going on in the room he stands in, and certainly not in the world outside.
I am terrified. I am terrified of our government, I am terrified of our weather patterns, I am terrified of getting caught in a mass shooting, I am terrified for the lives of every person on this planet, and I feel hopeless all the time. This is just from reading the news.
Meanwhile, there is a hoard of social connections I feel forced to maintain; almost all of which are attempting to promote a certain set of beliefs. In some ways, I’m grateful for this. I get to hear about the lives and ideas of a diverse variety of brilliant people. But within all this is news of tragedy along with hurtful and scary opinions about it. Opinions from people you thought you knew. People you once rode the bus to school with, people you call your friends, people who are your family. I’m shocked constantly by it.
If you’re experiencing all this like I am, none of it can be good for your mental or physical health. I’m beginning to realize this and it’s time I decided to do something about it, at least for me.
I have decided to abandon some of the most toxic parts of the internet.
This blog and Neopets is all I will be taking with me.
